Broken Hearted Perfection

crystal heart

I have been reading, Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.”  I picked this book specifically as we are going through a difficult time with a serious health issue (possibly lung cancer) with my husband.  As one may imagine, I have been “broken hearted” about my husband’s diagnosis. 

Well, my heart is broken, literally.  I developed a small tear in an artery of my heart resulting in a heart attack.  What I find fascinating is not just the fact that my physical body responded to my empathy and compassion for my husband but that I was reading the chapter in Pema Chodron’s book about “Nonaggression and the Four Maras”.  She says that the yama mara is rooted in the fear of death and continues by saying that it is when we feel we have gotten to the “good life” that we are actually not fully alive.  Here are her words “We finally feel that we’re a good person.  We have good qualities, we’re peaceful, and we don’t get thrown off balance when arrows are shot at us.  We’re the person who knows how to turn an arrow into a flower.  We feel so good about ourselves.  We’ve finally tied up all the loose ends.  We’re happy.  We think that that’s life.”  This is where I was at a few weeks ago.

Pema Chodron goes on to say “…rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death.  It doesn’t have any fresh air.  There’s no room for something to come in and interrupt all that.  We are killing the moment by controlling our experience.  Doing this is setting ourselves up for failure, because sooner or later, we’re going to have an experience we can’t control: our house is going to burn down, someone we love is going to die, we’re going to find out we have cancer, a brick is going to fall out of the sky and hit us on the head, somebody’s going to spill tomato juice all over our white suit…The essence of life is that it is challenging.  Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter…..To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”

I have certainly been thrown out of the nest!  I share this with you not because I want or need sympathy, rather, I share this with you as a reminder of the inter connectedness of life and from the perspective of our lives as our spiritual practice.  Rather than running away from pain, hurt, fear, anger, anxiety, unworthiness, we can use these feelings to go deeper in our relationship with ourselves and use the reality of our lives as our spiritual practice.

“May your life be like a wildflower, growing freely in beauty and joy each day." - Native American Proverb

namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan

coach . catalyst . shakti sage

life & business coach for women

"Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business"